Muscle And The City

W.T.F.

2010-03-15T16:12:00.004-04:00

I really wish my period would start so I could stop feeling like asshole.

But, that's not what I'm wtf-ing about. This is...

"It's a costly endeavor: Simpson estimates that she spends $750 a week on groceries, which is financed by her Web site, where fans can watch streaming video of Simpson as she eats."

"Despite the high-risk childbirth, a diagnosis of diabetes and her reliance on a motorized scooter for errands that require more than 20 feet of walking, Simpson describes herself as healthy -- and happy."

Read the whole story here:
600-lb. Woman Eating Her Way to Dubious Distinction

Sick.

Oh and on a side note, I totally forgot to take a picture yesterday! Wtf, Project 365 #FAIL!

Calling All Women

2010-03-11T14:05:00.002-05:00

Stumptuous rocks.

"And by the way, dieting down to 10-12% bodyfat is much, much less exciting than you would think. You do not feel sexy and attractive. You feel hungry. All you can think about is how crappy you feel, how hard it is to concentrate on anything, and how you would kill your own momma for a bag of Cheetos."

SO TRUE!!!

"Fitness models don’t crawl out of bed with a hangover and raging PMS and immediately have someone snap their picture with a cheap Instamatic."

I think I like that one for the simple fact it says "raging PMS"...which I have at this moment.

"Besides, according to the media ideal we’re never good enough anyway, so ya might as well divert all that negative mental energy you waste on worrying about it. In media ideal terms, there’s so much wrong with me that the only thing to be done is burn the whole house down and start again! Hahaha! Oh wait, my teeth are straight. Those can stay."

"I am a normal woman. I am not a fitness model. I work out in slobby gym wear with no makeup, and I get dirty and sweaty and messyhaired. My breasts are not lifted and separated; they are mashed onto my chest by my cheapo sports bra. When I forget to shave my legs I don’t really care. I am in there to work hard, to lift some heavy shit, and to forget about how my body looks in favour of thinking about what my body does. After having had a few injuries and illnesses, I am happy that the old girl works at all! Can I get out of bed in the morning without pain and make it to the coffeemaker? If so, then yay body!"

Lol, love her.

Read it in its entirety now, it's so good...

Why You Don't Look Like A Fitness Model

Then come back here and tell me what you think, cause I love that. :)

Pushups And Great Balls Of Fire Icecream?

2010-03-10T20:41:00.004-05:00

Project 365-8; 3-10-10 Pushups, pushups, pushups

Pushups and lots of them is what I've been instructed to do. Okay, these are not the rockstar pushups I used to be able to do, but I'll take it and try not to get frustrated.

Shoulder surgery sucks ass. I mean, I read that it sucked before I had it and I thought I had prepared myself, but I'm telling you it really really sucks. Amazing how poking three holes in it and sewing up the insides makes it totally forget how to function like a normal shoulder. Crazy...and stupid.

Anyway, I gotta run. I'm elbow deep in 90 ice cream balls for my son's Spanish class in preparation for fried ice cream. I rushed home from work today to buy the stuff, then rolled the balls so they could sit in the freezer for 3 hours and now it's time to roll them in cinnamon and sugar, then cornflakes and back in the freezer overnight before I fry them tomorrow then refreeze them till Friday. Do teachers realize when they give out this stuff for students to do it's not the students that do it? That will more then likely been tomorrow's picture of the day...balls, balls, and balls. ;)

Flax Attack!

2010-03-09T21:48:00.011-05:00

Project 365-7; 3-9-10 Freebies

I actually sent an email to get these freebies and have been anxiously awaiting their arrival. The folks over at Foods Alive were awesome and let me pick 4 flax crackers of my choice and 2 oil's. So generous!

I of course had to try them all right now.

The first bag I ripped into of course was the Maple Cinnamon...

YUM! These were my favorite. Okay, I hadn't tasted the others yet at this point, but still. I almost didn't choose this flavor cause of trying to stay away from sugar and such, but you can't get more pure the Grade A Maple Syrup and there is only 4grams of sugar per serving. The sweetness is very very subtle and you taste the cinnamon more then anything. Very yummy.

Next, I chose Onion & Garlic...

Oh my goodness, I opened this bag and the smell about knocked me over. LOTS of garlic, I loved them. Reminded me of my beloved garlic pita chips that I no longer allow myself to buy. So now these were my favorite favorite. I could just picture myself dunking them into a container of tangy cold Fage greek yogurt. Gave me goosebumps.

I chose the next flavor cause it was described as taco flavored...

Ole'! Taco flavored they were. I had vision of melting cheese over them and calling them nachos. They tasted like a kicked up Dorito, flax style.

I saved the orignal for last...

Ooooh, favorite favorite favorite...only because I wanted to immediately coat them in almond butter...but instead I made them more dinner like and topped them with tuna...

Delicious.

Totally satisfies that craving for crackers and one serving, even though it doesn't look like much, is very filling! A serving size is 5 crackers or 28grams, but I recommend weighing them cause at first I counted out 5 crackers and then decided to weigh them just too see and it was more like a serving and a half cause the crackers are such different sizes. I ended up with four crackers after weighing.

They don't taste like a Ritz though, so don't expect that...definitely very flaxy. Four crackers, some omega 3 mayo, and a little can of albacore tuna and 5 hours later, I am still very full.

I couldn't walk away without giving the oils a taste though, so I tried Mike's Special first. Just a little dab on my finger...

O.M.G this was so good!!! Garlic and Paprika Flax Oil, YUM. I can't wait to put this on my Chicken tomorrow.

The second oil I chose to try was the Green Gold Hemp Oil cause to be honest I liked the name :)

No surprise that this was good too. Would be awesome in a protein shake, or drizzled over veggies like broccoli! Mike's Special is my favorite favorite though.

If you check out the Foods Alive website they even have recipes! Next on my grocery list is to order some Raw Cacao Powder so I can make some Raw Chocolate Candy Bar Crunch YUM! Or check out the Carob Peanut Butter Bars

Not to mention their other flax cracker flavors like BBQ, Mustard, and Italian. Just such a good site with tons of good healthy things. I can't wait to place my next order, I already got a list made up. Thanks Foods Alive, you guys rock and so do your products! :)

Road Trip and Who No Cares

2010-03-08T21:39:00.006-05:00

Project 365-6; 3-8-10 Roadtrip

Copays for two Derm Appts-$40.00

2 Venti White Chocolate Mocha's both decaf, nonfat no whip for me and full fat and whip for the boy-$9.45

Clear skin and happiness for both-Priceless*

*course this was before Trevor found out his venti white chocolate mocha had 79 carbs in it(yes we know how many calories as well)...mine wasn't much less, I just didn't care, not today :)

Truth is, I haven't cared for about 4 days. I swear, the minute my boobs are sore and swollen, which signals the start of PMS, my whole mindset goes completely to the toilet. This whole shoulder recovery has just thrown me for a loop and I get depressed super easy and at the drop of a hat. It's a roller coaster the likes I have never experienced...it's annoying and I hate it.

In my mind I clearly know why I'm being this way and that it doesn't really help anything...I just don't care.

Everything seems bigger then what it is...and of course it's all against me.

I have serious hormonal issues...and no amount of googling is giving me anything to be able to fix it myself.

I don't want drugs.

Speaking of drugs I have been on some for my skin ever since my first figure show. WOW did that play havoc with my hormones and my skin was pissed. It's never been right since. But I'm done with the drugs. They make my joints hurt and I get a yeast infection every 3 weeks...I'm DONE.

Listening to Robb Wolf's Paleo Podcasts and my many google searches I'm going to continue to do the Paleo/Primal thing(cause diet is a BIG part of fixing hormones naturally~damit anyway). I talked to the derm and now have a wash and a topical rx the same as my son...whose skin by the way is crystal clear. *crossing my fingers*

I am 35 damit and don't see why I have to deal with acne at this age...it's the dumbest thing ever and I'm so sick of it.

I'm also sick of weighing 15-20lbs more then I like.(I am one big fat pile of steaming ugly)

Yet oddly, not sick enough to care what I shoved in my mouth the last 4 days.

Welcome to my PMS world...where happiness isn't an option.

Sure I can try and fight it, and normally I do...but with my shoulder still all f'd up(even though it's getting better)...I'm just too tired and don't see the point no matter how hard I look. No matter what "bad" I choose, none of it is any good.

Sluggish Saturday

2010-03-06T20:50:00.004-05:00

Project 365-5; 3-6-10 Love

I have done absolutely nothing today, nothing. No tanning, no workouts, no dishes, no laundry...and the kids' are at their dad's. It'll all be there for me to do tomorrow.

Sometimes that's just nice.

And now I'm in the middle of a "House" marathon...perfect.

Carry on.

P.S. Yes, I find the tattoo on Chris's wrist extremly HOT.

I Love Mornings

2010-03-05T14:33:00.004-05:00

After I've dropped the kids off at school {wink}, it's me and tea.

Project 365-4; 3-5-10

The cup says, "You are the best mother in the universe". My middle daughter brought it home for me a couple of weeks ago after shopping the clearance isle at Walmart with her grandma. I plan on keeping it forever and showing it to her when she becomes a teenager and says she hates me. :)

I have some sort of green tea every morning with my breakfast, blueberry if I can find it, will win out over everything else. Now if it's afternoon tea time I'm still obsessed with Snapple's Diet Raspberry Tea(it's a mixture of green and black tea's)...obsessed! Their Diet Peach is a close second...yes it contains aspartame...ask me if I care.

It's Friday and I can't wait to get home and go for a walk. There is something seriously wrong with my Nike +...which is absolutely ridiculous if you ask me since I have probably only used it for 6 months. Yesterday's 3 mile walk yielded a Nike + result of a .69 mile walk with a 89 minute per mile pace...wtf, I don't think I could walk that slow even if I was 80 and had a walker. My Bodybugg doesn't want to upload my stats, so my take on gadgets right now is not a good one. They are so much fun till they become a pain in the ass. I do not have the time.

My shoulder is pretty sore from therapy yesterday so I'm not sure if I will do anything with it tonight or not. I will probably just snuggle with Chris and call it a night.

Gah, me + posting everyday = boring.

Is It Spring Yet

2010-03-04T13:28:00.006-05:00

Project 365-3; 3-4-10

I think it is suppose to be in the 50's this weekend...yesssssssss! It' feels like it's been the longest winter ever. Might I add though that I am SO glad I had my surgery when I did, cause if I was just now getting started with all this I would most definitely go mad, tanning or no tanning. (That is me in the pict this time lol)

B said in therapy today that I was so lucky to have such a strong base to start with cause it's saving me weeks and weeks of therapy. My strength is there, now to just get more rotation. I am now at a place where I can actively start using The Rotater, so we'll see how fast I can bring this full circle. I am going to use it on my "good" shoulder as well since B keeps telling me it's not so good. She worked on it some today too cause as she said..."I just can't leave it alone." One thing I have learned from all this is, lifting super heavy is really not necessary. It's fun, yes. But when I get the ok to workout again I already know I'm going back to Bob's 3 days a week, not every day(that's too much!) and the other 2 or 3 days(third day being saturday) I will be sticking to full body weight circuits or kettelbells. Don't get me wrong, I still want to be "jacked", just not jacked up. :)

On the agenda for tonight is a pulley workout for my shoulder, then some Abs and Butt, cause there ain't nothing wrong with the lower half of my body...oooh and some more walking.

Project 365-2; 3-3-10
Speaking of jacked up, here is yesterday's 365 picture because I can't seem to get a rhythm down. Am I going to take a pict and blog on the same day?, or, am I going to take a pict and blog the next day? Also the pict I do take may very well not pertain to the blog at all. Cause that would mean I would have to plan and think about it...plan?, think?, yeah, not going to happen.

You've been warned.

Project 365

2010-03-03T11:56:00.007-05:00

Project 365-1: Just Walking

This is such a cool concept...."Take A Photo A Day And See Your Life In A Whole New Way" Here is the website for more info... Photojojo Project 365 There's other websites also where you can sign up and get an account. I did not sign up for the website cause I'm not doing this to be a photographer or anything like that. I don't want the contests or the theme weeks. I just like the idea of taking a picture everyday of something that pertains to that day, no matter what it is. Then at the end of the year, you have a collage...your year in pictures. I don't have a kickass camera...well I have a camera, but I find my blackberry much more convenient and it is with me at all times. So yeah, don't expect much, it's just for fun.

But I think this camera is super cute

Fuji Instax Mini Instant Camera

I like the idea of little instant picts!

How cute!! Plus it brings back memories from when I was little and played with my mom's instamatic all the time...carried it everywhere with me. Love instant pictures. I think I might get this for both my daughters for their birthdays...they would LOVE it and the price is perfect. Yay! (and no, I can't just get one so they can share...sharing? bahahahahahaha!)

Tangy Tuesday

2010-03-02T16:06:00.006-05:00

Mmmmmm, now this is the stuff.

I am in the best mood. Wish I could stay like this all the time...Chris does too. ;)

I'm still rocking the whole Primal Blueprint thing... and feeling much much leaner, not so puffy...which is a great thing! I choose to keep some dairy in like my beloved greek yogurt or a spoonful of whipped cream cheese in my eggs...yum!

Shantel of Urban Cave Girl is kicking primal ass! Definitely check her blog out, it's a good one!

Therapy is going good and my shoulder is finally feeling more on the normal side. Everything is easier, dressing, showering, sleeping. It's not 100% yet, but I see the light at the end of the tunnel and yowza it's blinding my eyes. :)

Can't wait to go home in about 40 minutes and get all bundled up with my ipod and hit the road. It's sunny and warm(37 is warm here people!). Life is very good right now...power to the tanning bed! Like I said on Facebook...if tanning is wrong, then I don't wanna be right. (That is not a pict of me!)

Code: ECD (in pictures)

2010-02-25T14:30:00.017-05:00

Emergency Chocolate Day.

How do you know you've had one? Well just sit there and relax and I'll show you...

First, you get home from work and decide to try out a new recipe you found on the internet for primal pancakes...actually you wanted to make the almond butter and banana egg ones substituting pumpkin for the banana so you try those first thinking they will be fantastic, but what the end result ends up being is a big pile of goo that doesn't cook...like at all! So you throw that batch in the trash and start over using the following ingredients and an egg that is not pictured...

Those cooked at least, but, tasted like nasty grainy ass. So hideous in fact, there was no way you could eat them plain. So I thought if I made up a batch of almond butter and mixed it with almond milk I could make a "syrup" to pour over them to make them edible...it was going to take a lot...

Now if that didn't look like a pile of sh*t, but I was still holding out hope that it would be tasty...or at the least edible...it so wasn't.

It tasted like soggy nasty grainy ass. I literally gagged when I tried it, so in the trash it went. I was getting cranky and discouraged at this point cause I'd been trying to make my dinner now for an hour and a half. So I decided to just eat 5oz of chicken fried in coconut butter(my fav too April!)

With a side of green beans 'n' butter...mmmmmm butter.

My goodness I had forgotten how ~~good~~ great butter is...

While in the throws of butter bliss(and taking picts) I catch something out of the corner of my eye...

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah my chicken!!

In my hurry to save my chicken I...

And before I could say ~~f*ck~~ butter...

So then I went to take a drink of water to collect myself and thought haha I wonder what my eye looks like through this glass(squirrel!)...

While I was ~~Fing around~~ taking the picture...

Aaaaaaaaaaah my chicken...again.

In an effort to save what was left(God only knows why cause I sure the hell wasn't going to eat it at this point), I...

Yep, stepped in the green beans...dog must of abandoned those for my chicken.

I then walked my slimy green bean foot to the kitchen and grabbed this...

mmmmmmmmmmmmmm,

Best dinner ever.

I then tried to upload my Bodybugg stats and it didn't want to cooperate so I may or may not have had two more squares.

Amazingly I still came within my calories and carb/protein/fat macros so no harm no foul.

Hmmmmm, wonder what's for dinner tonight?

Easy Breezy Chicken Pleasy

2010-02-24T12:43:00.006-05:00

Chicken is the staple of my diet. I make a big batch of it on Sunday and eat it all week long.

This is how I make it. It's fast(well, the prep anyway), easy, and it tastes delicious!

First, you just need two ingredients...

Frozen boneless, skinless, chicken breasts and Chicken broth.(they have low sodium stuff as well or you can just use water, it's good like that too.)

Place chicken breasts in crockpot...

Pour chicken broth over them...

Cook on high over night, or all day while your at work...

Then when you wake up or come home(the house smells amazing) you take the chicken out(do not drain in a strainer or that will make it super dry! Just use tongs), and place chicken on a cutting board. Then take two forks and shred.

Now it's ready for anything, salads, wraps, soup, boats(with romaine), or just eating straight up! You can then store it in plastic containers or weigh and portion out in baggies so you can grab and go.

Mmmmmm, chicken, it's what's for dinner(and lunch, and snacks, chicken omelet anyone?...lol).

What is your favorite way to make chicken?

You Are My Sunshine

2010-02-23T14:10:00.007-05:00

Yesterday I decided that my ass was as big as I was going to let it get so I vowed to get on the treadmill this morning for a nice long walk. But when I got home from dropping the kids off school, the thought of getting on a treadmill in a small dark room starring at a wall for an hour just seemed like no fun at all...especially when outside the sun looked like this...

Even though it was only 22 degrees, out I went, all bundled up and looking like a puffalump(haha, remember those??)...

Anyway, yesterday I hated the snow(and life), but today I was exercising and the snow looked beautiful.

I took a cue from Melissa's post yesterday and just decided to enjoy being outside and walking. No pressure, no worries.

It was awesome.

I absolutely LOVE where I live and wouldn't trade it for a mansion in the city ever...well, it would have to be a really nice mansion.

I have miles of country roads to walk, run, or bike on whenever I want.

Course, about a mile into my walk my face was frozen and I still had to turn around and walk back, but the wind was behind me on the walk back and I actually got a little too toasty by the time I hit my driveway.

I got back just in time to jump in the car and head to therapy. B says I am doing great and keeps telling me my operated shoulder is in better shape then my "good" one, so she gave me some more exercises to do to help that one as well. When I took my jacket off I totally forgot I had my Bodybugg strapped to my arm and she was like, what is that? So I told her I was not allowing myself to get any fatter and am tracking absolutely everything I do and eat.

Speaking of the Bodybugg, it took me awhile to get the hang of the website. I'm sure a person with a normal working internet connection would have no troubles, but at home I only have my tethered blackberry to work with. It's awesome for blog reading and Facebook stuff, but when you have to open multiple windows, not so much. The Bodybugg website is window after window and uses javascript...my phone HATES it. One HUGE thing I do not like about the website is you can't put your own macros in for the diet. I think they have 4 to choose from, none of which are high fat or high protein. BOO! If they just changed that one little thing it would be so much better. Not perfect, but better. I still LOVE it and have no regrets with my purchase at all. I'm just one of those people that loves seeing and tracking what I do. So if your on my Facebook be prepared to be seeing lots of Bodybugg info and Daily Mile info. You may find it annoying, but I'm not doing it for you and I mean that in the nicest way possible. :) :)

"Sometimes you got to feel as bad as you possibly can before you feel better."

Post Puke Aftertaste

2010-02-17T15:13:00.004-05:00

That's what Yoplait "greek" yogurt tastes like...

*shudders* just O.M.G. bad.

Even after adding some cranberry trail mix I just simply could not eat it.

Thank goodness I only bought one container and I will never buy another. I've been just making my own greek yogurt, but when I see something new at the store I must try it...like a bug to a bugg zapper.

Don't go into the light people...it's not worth it.

It was so bad I even threw away the spoon...it was tainted.

Therapy, Therapy, Therapy

2010-02-16T16:10:00.005-05:00

Whoa, we are working on stuff now. I'm just so anxious to start working out it's maddening!!!!!!

And I am leaving work today and going straight to the tanning bed. Yes, bad I know, but it's either that or I listen to the voices in my head telling me to harm myself.

I honestly cannot take this anymore. I am done being patient. Done.

Do you know, while lying on my side and lifting my elbow off my waist and trying to move my straight arm in front of me...my arm was jiggling. JIGGLING.

WTF happened to this girl?...

That girl did not jiggle.

I miss her.

Being injured SUCKS ASS.

After the surgery I thought I was bionic and going to keep my muscle. I was wrong. My left arm is half the size of my right, easily. Not to mention from not working out my right is nothing to be proud of. In fact my whole body is a white soft squishy mess.

Just cover me in chocolate and put me between two graham crackers and call me a smores.

6 Weeks Post OP

2010-02-11T15:31:00.004-05:00

I went to Physical Therapy today and told B I could NOT possibly stand to wear my arm sling for one more day and to be totally honest I hadn't worn it in the last two days except to sleep. She agreed with me that I really didn't need it anymore and said she would write the doc a note telling him she had discharged me of it and if he had any problems with that to contact the patient. :)

I am a happy girl.

We both agreed I would still wear it while sleeping though cause sleeping is scary...

Going Bananas

2010-02-09T13:10:00.011-05:00

Lol that was on the lid of my Diet Snapple~Raspberry Tea(made with green and black tea)...Yummers!

And no, no one sent this to me, I just bought a case at the store when I was getting groceries.

I love this stuff. ;)

Upon browsing the website, I see that they have lots of flavors I'd like to try...namely this one...

So if Snapple is listening...hello, free samples of anything welcome here. :)

I would love to try the Kombucha Tea that April is always raving about, but you just can't find that stuff anywhere around here.

What you can find around here is lot's of this crap...

I.AM.SO.SICK.OF.SNOW.

It really is suffocating my happy thoughts.

I've also been sick since Saturday so that's not helping either. Nothing major, just a wicked cough and a low grade fever to make me feel like ass, but still be able to function. It's a good thing too since the district didn't close the schools today(really?), so I had to go uncover my car and dump hot water over all the doors to get them unfrozen so I could take my very disgruntled kids to school.

I'm having all sorts of good times.

Also I would like to thank the Universe for all it is doing to spend every last dime of my income tax return. It wasn't much, but that didn't stop it from throwing bills my way that I didn't even know existed...

$300.00 Dental Bill~CHECK!
$100.00 School Bill~CHECK!
$175.00 Hospital Bill~CHECK!
$150.00 New Glasses(son)~CHECK!

Oh and I just realized the rest will probably be spent on a new vacuum cleaner cause mine took a crap and I haven't vacuumed since before my surgery, so approximately 6 weeks.

The Universe is No. 1!

Yeah I know, not a very uplifting post today, but it's the dark place I'm in people. The Doctor better tell me I can get rid of this sling when I see him next Wednesday or y'all are likely to see me on the next episode of "Snapped".

5 Weeks Post OP

2010-02-04T12:53:00.003-05:00

"It does not matter
how slowly you go
so long as you do not stop." - Confucius

PT today was much better. Doing some band work now and got to go faster on the hand bike. She said I am progressing so fast and it's hard to come up with stuff to have me do cause it all seems so easy for me.

"BAH!"...is what I said.

But she also said that when she gets the go ahead to work on my inner and outer rotation that it is going to be a b*tch. (my word, not hers...but it's what she meant.)

But that's also why I bought "The Rotater", so when the time comes to be able to use it maybe it won't be such a b*tch. At least that's what I keep telling myself.

In the meantime I'm just going to enjoy the therapy till it becomes torture. Next Dr.'s visit isn't until the 17th so I've got a few weeks.

A few weeks to work on my diet...or lack there of. I seriously cannot stand looking at myself in the mirror while doing the exercises.

And She's Back

2010-02-03T12:31:00.005-05:00

Did a lot of thinking yesterday and I figured something out.

Athlete's need to move. Injured or not, they need to not feel like an invalid.

Physical Therapy makes me feel like an 80 year old invalid.

So I was at Walmart last night to pick up a few things and was walking by the exercise stuff and it just hit me. So I grabbed a 3lb weight, a 5lb weight, a Danskin Pilates set(on sale for $20) which included a ball, 2 exercise bands, and 2lb ball weights...perfect. Plus look, it's all pink and pretty...

And this morning I turned my Physical Therapy into a bootcamp circuit. All my exercises that required me to lay on the floor, I did on the ball. The ball weights were PERFECT for my injured shoulder scapula exercises and the 5lb weight I bought was for my good shoulder. I threw some AB exercises in between and when it came time to use the broomstick, I did so while squatting and lunging.

It took me 45 minutes and I feel amazing. Also my shoulder didn't "click", "pull", or do whatever that weird feeling thing it did yesterday. This led to the suspicion that it may just be scar tissue buildup. I confirmed that suspicion after I got to work with a quick google search and it was later confirmed with someone I talked to who just happen to come in today. So if I work through it, it will go away and get better.

Knowledge is power.

It was hindering my progress cause it scared me...I didn't know what it was and I've never had to go through anything like this so I don't know what to expect.

Now, I just need to throw the last bag of pita chips away...or eat them, whatever.

AND to realize walking is good and does not make me a wuss.

Maybe I'm Making This Look Too Easy

2010-02-02T13:52:00.005-05:00

I write about the positive cause that's what I want to focus on...BUT THIS SUCKS PEOPLE.

FACT: There is not one day that goes by that I don't think I will never be able to work out again. Push ups on a medicine ball were something I took for granted. 3 minute medicine ball throws with Bob sucked ass...and now I would give anything to be able to do those again and I would go for 5 minutes just because I could.

Writing that made me start crying. I miss everything so much that I just don't allow myself to think about it, cause when I do I fall apart.

PT today did nothing to lift my mood either. My shoulder likes to catch on something and it's a very annoying feeling. My PT doesn't understand it and neither do I. Not to mention that she has now given me exercises to do for my good shoulder cause I am jacking it up by using it to do everything my other one can't.

AND, I haven't even mentioned my weight cause it depresses me even more.

FACT: 150 lbs on a good day, 154 on a bad one.

Basically back to where I started.

AND when I start to think about it too much I think wow, I'm not the girl that works out any more, I'm just a middle aged mom who sits on her ass and watches too much TV and eats too many pita chips.

FACT: When the PT had me standing in front of the mirror doing exercises today I wasn't even concentrating on my arm, I was concentrating on how fat I looked.

AND did you know I have gray hair?

FACT: Me neither, but I found some.

So the depressed part of me(and yes, I am depressed) thinks wow, it's just really all down hill from here. Have I really accomplished everything I wanted? Is the life I have right now really it?...really? Cause I am far from satisfied.

FACT: I'd like a do over.

So yeah, the days I don't write this is pretty much how I feel. And even on the days I do write...I'm still just teetering on the edge of losing it.

Fact: Doesn't mean I'm giving up.

Pretty sure I'm going crazy though and taking everyone around with me along for the ride. So why not you guys...cause this isn't easy or fun or anything I can describe without using a bunch of four letter explicative's.

# Pita Chip Fail

2010-02-01T14:19:00.007-05:00

My son came home yesterday and asked why I bought more pita chips.

"Shut up" was my answer.

P.S. clicking on Stacys Pita Chips will take you to the website and make you want to eat lots and lots of pita chips.

P.P.S. they are really good dipped in Fage (that's me balancing the carbs with protein).

Week 3 Of PT

2010-01-28T13:46:00.006-05:00

Got to lift my own arm up today with the aid of a broomstick(basically) and do the hand bike again. I did that today like it was nothing. Some of the stretches and moves make my shoulder feel weird and then I notice I start to tense up like just ridiculous which obviously hinders me. So as soon as I feel myself go into this tense mode I immediately make myself relax...I'm getting better at it. One thing that is helping is something I found on Amazon.com called The Miracle Ball Method...

It got a bunch of good reviews and is suppose to help relieve stress, tension and aid body alignment...check, check, and check I need all that.

I LOVE the neck and shoulder exercises and in the week I've been doing them I already feel better...not near as tense or tight.

One thing I have learned from all this is little movements count just as much if not more so then big movements. Not everything has too be big(I know, so many jokes so little time).

So since I'm all about gadgets in aiding my recovery I also happened to come across something called "The Rotater"

Duh, I got the pink one.

If you check out the site be sure and read this: "Our Story Joint Mechanix, the Rotater and Shoulder Rehab"

I'm thinking Scott Kay is a genius and I so can't wait to try it out!! It came today as I was leaving the house for therapy so I will let you all know. Anything I can do to help myself get better faster...safer, I am all about. I told my therapist about it today and she was intrigued so I am suppose to bring it with me next week when I see her. I think she is having fun with me. Today she told me that she has never worked with someone of my "high caliber"(Wikpedia definition: used to refer to people of great competence or ability) so she wasn't too sure what to expect, except that I am doing great and she wishes the doc would give her the ok to push me more cause she thinks I'm ready. But she also said since she wasn't the one with the camera inside my shoulder seeing the damage, she would be a good girl and not push...too much. :) I think she is pushing just fine seeing as I had to ice my shoulder after our last therapy session and I can already tell I will be doing it again today. But it feels bad in a good way and I am growing more and more confident with each session. B(that's my therapist) also told me I have a high pain tolerance threshold and that I was tough...add "high caliber" to that and scuse me while I ponder world domination...

....

....

Okay, I'm done. :)

Can I just add that I sure don't feel "high caliber" or tough. I feel more like a fat, wussy, injured slob...who needs to NEVER BUY PITA CHIPS AGAIN. Your right Melissa, it's not the hummus. :) (Also, I promise to write more about my sweet Bodybugg when I am actually using it properly.)

Garlic Hummus Is The Devil

2010-01-26T13:40:00.005-05:00

I ~~did~~ could eat a whole tub of it in one sitting...and maybe a bag of pita chips along with it. Yes, I realize it's no longer "healthy" when you can't control your portion size *ahem*.

But today is a new day and so I trotted off this morning to physical therapy sporting an inspirational tank...

(I was going to post of picture of me actually wearing it but I forgot to take one)

PT was a workout today! My favorite part is the warm up cause it feels like a massage. She works my shoulder blade a lot and it just feels good. Then on to the exercises. She pushed a little bit more today and I got a little scared. Not because it hurts, because it doesn't. It's just all IN MY HEAD. She said I've conditioned my brain so well to protect that shoulder it's going to take awhile before I realize and trust that it's fixed. And she said that..."Stacey, your shoulder is NOT going to come out again. It is tight and in better alignment then you other one." She got a chuckle out of me when she said that. She also says I am super tight and need major stretching. When she has me lay on my back my shoulders don't even touch the table automatically. I have to tell myself to relax and let them fall and then there is an extreme stretch in my chest. She say's I definitely need to work on that, but she doesn't want to stretch me too much in that area until the doc gives the ok. I also have to work on realigning my shoulder blades by doing some flexing exercises because they want to wing out...good grief I'm a mess.

Stretching will definitely be in my daily routine when I get back to working out, that and massage therapy. Lot's of good sports massage therapists in Peoria and I figure even if I save up to go once a month that would help. It's really a necessity.

The PT thought I did great today so at the end of my session she even put me on the hand bike and I got to pedal. It was very, very slow and somewhat awkward, but better after I had warmed up and when she had me go in reverse it was even easier.

So It's coming along. The slowness of recovery is maddening, and I need more confidence in myself, but I'm not giving up. :)

P.S. I'm back to add I forgot to write that when she had me laying on the table she was like...so I noticed you've shaved and have deodorant on, do you mind me asking you how you do that, cause the biggest problem we have with our shoulder rehabbers is personal hygiene. To which I responded with...where there is a will, there is away. I told her the doc told me I could wash under my arm if I leaned over and let my arm dangle so I figured I could shave that way and put deodorant on that way as well. She said men are the worst with their big sweaty hairy pits...lmfao ew nasty! But then I think to myself really? I mean do people really not try to figure out how to do this stuff?! Hell I even figured out how to do my own hair with one hand.(yes Melissa, I really do need to vlog that) :)

Physical Therapy

2010-01-21T16:44:00.002-05:00

PT was good today.

Last week I wasn't so sure about it, but this week I felt much more comfortable with the exercises and my instructor. She is awesome. Somehow she knows all about me and asked if I was working towards anymore competitions in which I quickly told her, "hell to the no". She then told me about her body builder friend from college and the "crazy" way she ate...lol yep. :)

Anyway, no more of that for me.

During a certain exercise my shoulder made a popping noise and she didn't like that. For the remainder of the reps she had to apply some pressure to my shoulder head and it stopped that and made me feel more comfortable. She said it could be as a result of my arthritis, but since it's only a grade 1 what it really tells me is even with this surgery my shoulder will probably never really be trustworthy. Surgery doesn't guarantee that you will never have a dislocation again, it just lessens the chance for a re-occurrence . And that is my goal.

I will probably never work out to the intensity that I was before and I'm OK with that. I see a lot of stretching and full body plyo workouts in my future, but definitely no super heavy lifting...been there, done that and it's just too much. I still want to be able to function if I live to be 50. :)

One good thing about this mandatory break is that my hamstring is healing up nicely. I haven't had pain while sitting for weeks.

P.S. I LOVE MY BODYBUGG!!!

Ka-Pom Monday!

2010-01-18T14:36:00.003-05:00

Last day off work. :(

I am back home from staying with my mom and am sleeping great. I have even figured out how to do my hair by myself and was going to vlog it, but decided that was too much work. Let's just say, I manage to gather it all up and twist it with one hand, then I bring my twisted ponytail to the top of my head and lean over in front of my bathroom sink and rest my head on the edge of it to hold the ponytail in place while I take a clip and then clip it in place, stand up and voila', my hair is did.

I am eager to get my diet back on track and start working out as much as I can at this point, so this morning I started the day off right with some Kashi Blueberry Morning and cheesy egg whites after doing set 1 of my therapy exercises...yum!

Then there was a knock at the door and my Bodybugg was here! Woot!

It is currently being charged so it will be ready for me to use first thing tomorrow...or tonight when I go to bed. And yes, even though the box shows a black one, inside was the shiny pink one I ordered.

Then it was snack time! I decided I needed to use some of my awesome Pom juice that Ryan sent me from Pom Wonderful. So I took a half a cup of greek yogurt(homemade) and half of a Pom Wonderful pomegranate and layered them parfait style then drizzled the whole thing with a mixture of honey and Pom juice.

It was Delicious! One of my favorite ways to use Pom juice is in my after workout shakes. I take half a cup of Pom Juice, 1 scoop of protein powder and a scoop of wheatgrass. I also drank this concoction for two days after my surgery when I couldn't stomach any food whatsoever. It is just so good for you!!!

I so want a tank top that says this!

Plans for the rest of my afternoon are more therapy exercises, and some treadmill walking. Time to get moving!...oh and somehow I need to get my 11 year old to do the dishes for me. A working dishwasher would really come in handy right now.

The therapy exercises suck. Only because I can only move my arm 30 degrees in the given exercises and that's like ALL THE FURTHER I CAN MOVE MY ARM! It's ridiculous and totally freaks me out that I can't move it any further. At this point it feels like my left arm will never be normal again. I know that's not true...but that's how it feels.